i just heard a bouncing noise and then that was followed by my dad saying
"oh no my potato"
you can preach about slut-shaming all you want, but you can’t deny there’s something very wrong with 13 and 14-year old girls going out in skirts and dresses so short they barely cover their asses and shirts with necklines so low they show off cleave they haven’t got yet, drinking and even smoking and hooking up with guys before they even have a substantial knowledge of how sex and sexual relationships work.
Thank YOU HOLY SHIT
Your sister is bread because of you.
she returned from the mountain golden brown
she said that YOU had baked her heart!
her skin turned to crust! her hair turned wheat!
Ovendelle’s in deep
Love is an open oven door.
I’m pretty sure that’s Brad Pitt’s reaction every time he take a selfie/looks in the mirror
"mm not bad"
sometimes i really want to explore abandoned places but then i remember that i sprint out of rooms after i turn the lights off
the whole like “you’re too young to be gay” shit like. queer people arent like pokemon you don’t level up enough to evolve into a gay.
you do however level up enough to evolve from gay to hella gay.
things you don’t point out about people:
- body hair in places you’re not used to it being???
- fat rolls/curves
- how much/how little they’re eating
- how skinny they are/what bones they can see because of how skinny they are
don’t do it
So, real talk for a second guys
If you ever accidentally call 911, DON’T HANG UP. Stay on the line and tell the calltaker that you accidentally dialed. When you hang up, we either have to call you back or send out police which takes up valuable resources and wastes money. A simple “It was an accident” is all we need and everyone goes about their life much better
yesterday in the car my mom said “theres always the one gay twin out of a pair” and my twin brother and I shot a glance at one another because we’re both the gay twin
jellyfish dont have to worry about taxes
biggest and most elegant “fuck you” ever
I love Lupita Nyongo’s Brother
because he literally did
exactly what we would do
if we went to the Oscars
except he did it 220022932 times better.